Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
being pregnant is like rehab
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Randomize
