If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
What drink are we having for lunch?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
