this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
How's work?
Spinning.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
