Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
