Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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