This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Randomize