o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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