I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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