Tell her she can't have a vagina
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
