So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
