I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
