I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Success! We fucked roommates!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
