She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
