Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize