Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I am available for nakedness
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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