girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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