I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
