you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
