Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
