I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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