she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize