So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
