mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
