my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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