Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
