my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
