saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
