he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
