Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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