I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
