If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
love makes seman taste better
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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