Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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