apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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