Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
