i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
