it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
