so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
