I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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