I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
