first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
