oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize