Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize