addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
