everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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