My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
dude. I can hear the air.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
