I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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