I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
