Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
