U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I am midnight drunk by noon
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
