What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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