I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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