Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize