Ketchup is God's man juice
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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