If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
