I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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