your thong is hanging out like whoa
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
