I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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