I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
My breasts were aching with rage.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
