Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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