when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
