I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
