If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Watching her eat just hurts me
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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