she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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