Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
