your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
