When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
