You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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