is wine microwaveable?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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