dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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