I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
