so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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