I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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