Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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