Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
