I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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