i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
