Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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