My room smells like vodka and shame
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
