I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I won't apologize to a one balled man
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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