If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize